Things not acceptable in Relationship/Marriage
It is most often difficult to know what is considered acceptable or “normal” behavior in a relationship (especially long-term) or marriage. You know, every relationship comes with its own specific set of standards, rules, and problems. At the same time, there are certain things you should never entertain in especially a long-term relationship or marriage no matter what.
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Should you find yourself investing several years of your life in a person, it is not at all easy to overlook or accept certain behaviors and attitudes from them at all yet you realize it is difficult to move out. This is sometimes because you are scared of having to find new social circles; thinking of your family’s’ roles leading to their disappointment at any break; perhaps, you are just not prepared to go through the devastating heartbreak of a split. It is therefore best and important, to be honest with your partner about how their behavior makes you feel, and try to give them a chance to correct them before ending things.
Nonetheless, however, some behaviors are not at all acceptable in romantic relationships, and if they do not improve even after you and your partner try to talk things through, then it is safe to say they are probably never going to.
Most often you do not generalize situations or conditions in marriages as the same for all; you have to decide what works and what does not work for you two as a couple. But if you are holding off on a breakup because you are unsure about what is “normal” in your relationship and worried that your standards of how you should be treated are “too high,” just know there are at least certain things you should never accommodate at all if they make you unhappy — and you should not hold off on calling your partner out about them just because you have been together for a while.
- Abuse (Emotional)
Should you at a point realize that your partner is trying to control, put you down, or otherwise make you feel bad severely, that is not normal. It is just someone blowing off steam, or how “all relationships get” overtime — that is purely emotional abuse. If they threaten to break up with you frequently, threaten to kill themselves if you ever leave, or blame you for their problems, you should know that it is emotionally abusive, too. It is wrong for your partner to treat you this way, no matter how long the two of you have been together. Emotional abuse is not normal in any relationship at all; be it long-term, short-term, or otherwise.
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2. To be Treated Like a Maid/Cook/Bank
In every relationship, it is normal and healthy to help one another out. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all. For instance; If you are already out and your partner texts you, “Can you pick up my suit from the laundry? Or can you get some pain killers from the pharmacist for me?” that is OK. If you get back from town, meeting, work, etc and your partner has washed a load of your dirty clothes, that is great, too. But what is not so great is when your partner leaves their messes for you to clean up or constantly blows off their job because they know you will foot the house bill if you have to.
For me, It is not normal for one member of the relationship to be shouldering the majority chores, expenses, and responsibilities. Couples can divide household responsibilities up according to each partner’s strengths and abilities, but if you find yourself doing almost all the work at home, that is not healthy, fair, or normal behavior — and you should not put up with it. It needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand.
3. Sex
I believe that even couples in healthy long-term relationships have their off nights sometimes which is okay. But if you are experiencing continuous bad sex with your partner because they are too selfish and lazy to care about your pleasure, I do not think it is normal. Just because you guys perhaps might have been with each other for a while now does not mean your partner should just stop caring about your sex needs. No matter what, sex must be enjoyed by you both. If your pleasure means so little to your partner, you need to think through well. Being selfish in bed is a No-No. You must enjoy taking the time to make each other feel good.
4. Deadlines
You and your partner should discuss your feelings on marriage and children at some point in your relationship. It is a very normal discussion to have, and if your feelings do not match up, it helps to know sooner rather than later. But while it is healthy to have a discussion, it is unhealthy to deliver a deadline — i.e. “Propose/ get pregnant by this date or it is over.” It is never normal for your partner to put a deadline on how long it should take you to feel ready for marriage, and they should never try to put a deadline on your uterus — I do not care how long you have been dating, that is not normal, and not the best at all.
5. Cheating
Some couples have open relationships; while some monogamous couples can work through the pain caused by cheating and infidelity and come out happier and stronger than ever; if you or your partner cheat, and you decide you want to work through things, that is great. But whether it is emotional or physical cheating, know that you are in no way obligated to put up with cheating just because you have been with your partner for a long time — even if it was an isolated incident. I understand that there are lots of reasons why people cheat, and If you want to give your partner another chance, that is between the two of you. But know that, cheating does not “just happen” and it is not “normal” or “a thing that happens to all couples.”
6. Ambitions/Dreams etc
Being in a relationship means you care for each other and it is great to be part of the same team. You should never put up with someone who does not support your dreams and ambitions, whether they actively discourage you from pursuing your goals or just do not show any interest in celebrating your success. Partners in long-term relationships especially should have even more reason to be invested in each other’s success and happiness than partners who have just gotten together; after all, you share a life. For me, do not put up with someone who does not have your back.
Compiled by
Ama Lawson
C.E.O – Telchel Group
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